Growing Up
by Laroucelle
Summary: Growing up is hard. Especially when you still have feeling for your ex, who is in a relationship with someone else and when you realise that you might not even know who you are yourself. It also doesn't help, when a green-eyed boy keeps trying to seduce you, with his alluring gaze.


**Author's Note: This is my first and probably last Harry Potter fic, but I'll try, I PROMISE, I'll try to finish it. Though it all depends on how much time I have and how much will I have, to keep writing. Also, I might just lose interest, so as a warning: Don't expect too much.**

**Now if you've read my other fanfic, "Change" which is a South Park romance/drama story, you might be wondering why I haven't updated in so long. Well, the thing is- I got writer's block. Yes, exactly, writer's block. Then school started and I completely forgot about it. So I apologize, from deep in my heart, but I don't even know for sure if I'll ever return to it. For now however, it's discontinued. I really am sorry, believe me.**

**If you want to know more or ask about something, then just message me. Okay? Okay.**

* * *

_"You're free to do how you please now..."_  
I choke on my breathe.

_"There's nothing to be afraid of now..."_  
An involtunary sob escapes from my lips.

_"Why are you still playing this meaningless game?"  
_Stop...

_"What a waste of time..."_  
Stop.

_"Grow up already..."_  
S-stop...

_"...you idi-"_  
STOP!

* * *

I wake up and shoot up to a sitting position and before I can even think about the dream I've just had, I'm being pulled out of the comfy bed I was sleeping in, by my forearm and a voice of someone familiar greets my ears. "C'mon Draco, we'll be late!" she shrieks, an obvious tone of annoyance, but also a slight tone of panic, evident in her voice. Pansy parkinson. Pan-Parkinson, my exgirlfriend, now my best and only friend. Sad, I know, but that's how it is.

"You are aware that I'm not even dressed yet, right?" I growl at her, trying to make her sound as dumb as possible and regret her actions but my voice comes out groggier then intended. She stops pulling me along in an instant and stares back at me, with a slight blush on her cheeks, from embarrasment, I conclude and mutters a quiet, "Right, sorry." For a moment, my eyes go wide and I stare at her blanky, but then I realise what I'd just said. That phrase was something I've used a lot in the past, though in a _much_ different tone, back when...

"Go ahead, I'll catch up," I go on, trying to sound assuring and seeing her nod, before waltzing ahead, I guessed I'd done good enough of a job. Though thinking it over, it sounded more nonchalant then anything.

* * *

It had taken me longer to get ready then I thought it would. I blame it on the stubble that keeps coming back and trying to take over my face and my hair that is harder to tame, now that it's gotten longer. It's harder and harder to look presentable as years go by and just the thought of getting older, is starting to turn into something more negative in itself.

I had been late for my first class, but it hadn't mattered. A lot of things don't matter anymore, now that so much has changed. Like trying to constantly please my father, being respected by fellow slytherins or even getting good grades, didn't matter that much to me anymore. Not even- I absentmindedly glance over to the other side of the classroom and catch a mop of black hair- _Him._

_Harry. Fucking. Potter_. Even thinking about that name makes my whole body shudder in disgust and my stomach prepare itself to explode from the rage that is bubbling inside me and I'm sure it's visible to others around me, since Pansy is giving me an odd look from right next to me, but I ignore it. Somehow I can't look away, no matter how hard I try. I blame it on my lack of sleep and the annoying sound that is his voice.

He is laughing at something Weasley had whispered in his ear and I bite my lower lip, to prevent any sound of frusturation from coming out of my own mouth. Why am I even angry? I don't have anything to do with him anymore. I should just focus on my own life and move on. I should- I stop mid thought, as I realise there is a pair of confused green eyes staring back into my grey ones._ Fuck._

* * *

I storm out of the classroom as soon as the class ends and don't even bother to wait for Pansy. I am beyond pissed, more pissed then I've been in a while and yet, there's nothing to be pissed at for. I don't even understand how my own emotions work anymore, how _pathetic_. Who knew a Malfoy could fall so low.

"Wait!" I hear someone shout from behind me and that single word echos throughout the whole hallway. The hallway is full of other students hurrying to their classes, yet I only hear _him_, as if the room was completely empty besides the two of us. I know that voice and I know I should just ignore it and move on, without even looking back once, I know that, but...

I turn around and face him. His face is slightly flustered, probably from running to catch up with me and his hair is messy and could most definitely use a comb, a stubble is covering the lover part of his face, his glasses slightly askew- In other words, _disgusting_. I sneer at him, narrowing my eyes, waiting for him to open his mouth and talk, explain himself. He doesn't. I should of exected as much.

"_What!?_" I finally spit out, after a rather long pause of complete silence, in which we had both just blanky stared at each other, and ignore the curious looks of the other students in the hallway.

He lookes almost nervous, as his eyes widen and his tongue darts out of his mouth to wet his lips. My eyes suddenly on his mouth, I gulp, but then my eyes go back up to his eyes, as he starts to speak.

"Um... I-I uh... bugger," he starts and an involuntary smirk graces my lips, "I'd like to ask you to uh... Join me and my mates for some butterbeer."

I stare at him dumbfoundedly and he fidgets under my calculating gaze, occasionally looking at me, before averting his eyes back to the floor before him, to stare at his, appearantly, really interesting shoes. He looks so sincere I almost believe him, but then I remember that we are former-enemies and gryffindor or not, he is definitely lying to me. Afterall, why else would he be so nervous? Potter wasn't a shy girl confessing his love, Potter was a confident full-grown man. A confident full-grown man, who _hated_ me with every part of his body.

A sigh escapes my lips before I can stop it and I raise my hand up to my head, to massage my temple. Suddenly I was tired and not angry, my emotions are really out of whack lately, aren't they? Potter is now looking less nervous and more impatient now and I curse myself inside my head, before answering him with a nonchalant, "Whatever."

I'd never admit it, but I was actually kind of lonely. Sure, I had Pansy, but as we didn't have much classes together and since she has a new boyfriend, we don't have much time for each other. Besides an hour or two before and after school, no time at all.

As soon as the word had reached his ears, he had immiediatly perked up and grinned, which in return made me scowl. What in the world had I just agreed to? And _why_? Something was wrong with me and I was completely aware of it now, something was really wrong. The me I know, would never agree to hang out with Potter. Potter, of all people. Merlin, what had possessed me to do something like that? So many questions, yet no answers.

* * *

"What's going on here?" Pansy asks me, as soon as she enters my dorm room. I look away from the mirror and instead plant my eyes on her. One of her brows is raised and though her voice had sounded slightly irritated, she wore an amused expression, her mouth inching upwards just a tiny bit. If I was a complete stranger, I wouldn't of even noticed such small details and would of assumed she was upset. That, however, was the complete opposite.

I realise my hands are still howering in front of me in the air and I start buttoning my shirt again, now that I remembered that that's why my hands were up there for in the first place. "I am preparing myself for an outing," I inform her, in a voice that suggested that it was no big deal. Unfortunatly, that's not what her ears had caught.

Her amused face turns into one of excitement and I knew what to expect, before it had even happened. "Oh, Draco," she coos at me and I roll my eyes, but do not stop her as she jumps at me for a hug. I sigh tiredly as she wraps her arms around me, but don't stop my own, as they mimic her's. A small smile graces my lips for a second, but then disappears in the next, as she pulls away and looks straight at me, her face shining.

Seeing her face up close like this, makes me feel so many feelings, emotions, I had forgotten I could feel. Just being _so_ close to her again in general, was like heaven all over again. I suddenly have an urge to kiss her, but I refrain from doing so. She's happy with someone else now and I shouldn't ruin that, ruin her new found happiness.

"Who is it?" she inquires and I start out of my longing thoughts, to give her a puzzeled look. She rolls her eyes, but then as she smirks, I instantly get what she had meant, when she had asked that. I shake my head and now she's the one who gives me a look of confusion.

Before answering the question in the air, I slowly remove myself from her and her space and back away, just so I could get some fresh air. She doesn't even notice, when my body almost immeadiatly relaxes and relief wooshes over me like a gust of wind. She also doesn't notice the look of regret in my eyes.

"It's_ not_ a date."

"What do you mean it's not a date? You_ just_ said it was," she asks, puffing out her cheeks. How cute.

I snort and explain to her, "No, I said I was getting ready for an '_outing_', not a '_date_'," as I use air-quotes to emphasise my point.

"That's the same thing."

"No, it isn't."

"Yes," she says stubbornly, "it is," her voice fierce and eyes narrowed.

Giving up on the argument, I finish buttoning up my shirt and grab my wand, just in case I'll need it and start for the door, without even giving her a side-glance, as I leave. She doesn't even say a word, as I race out of the room and close the door behind me with a loud thud. Did we just have a fight? I ask myself once out of the dorms, not sure what had just happened. Just a moment ago we were hugging and then... I'm not sure what happened.

* * *

This was a bad idea, I think for the umpteenth time this evening, as I awkwardly watch the others interact with each other around the table. Besides me and Potter, who is sitting next to me, there is Hermonie, Weasley, Longbottom and the Weasley's younger sister. All of them are having a fun time, sharing jokes and spilling some of their butterbeer all over themselves, while laughing merrily.

It's not a disgusting sight. In fact, I don't even think their actions are disgusting in no way at all or improper from any angle, even if the old me would. It is actually quite endearing in my eyes and I feel such grief for being left out, but what exactly had I expected when I had agreed to come? That I'd be welcomed with open arms and named their new king? This is ridiculous.

I drink another small sip of the butterbeer and spare Potter yetanother nervous glance, an act I've practiced non-stop this past half an hour. To my surprise, I ended up catching his eyes looking straight into mine. Suddenly, I panic and quickly turn my head in the opposite direction, the mug still at my lips, as I was trying to hide myself behind it and failing, miserably, may I add.

"So, _Malfoy_, how has school been for you?" I hear Potter asking, his voice dropping a note at my name, from next to me and I note that the laughter has died down and that I was being waited on. The silence I usually enjoyed the company of, was somehow really unnerving this time around. I curse silently under my breath.

Forcefully turning my head back to the rest of the table, my heart almost leaps out my chest, as I see all the eyes glued on me, curious and expectant. I've always loved being in the center of attention, but I find myself now dreading it. The thought of just running away seems _quite_ appealing right now.

Not even sure how long the silence has been holding us in it's embrace, I open my mouth, "It's been hard keeping up, with all the extra work," my voice unusually quiet. In stead of what I had expected, a cold response or a group of people laughing at me for being so socially awkward, I get a group of people, who should hate me, agreeing with me.

"I know right!" the Weasley shouts in response, spilling some of his drink, "I thought it was hard enough before, but now after missing a year, it's as if everything's twice as hard!"

And going after the redhead, was Hermonie, as if taking turns, "I must admit, that it's been quite difficult, even for me," her voice oddly warm and kind, as she nods in understandment.

I blink my eyes, flabbergasted. Had I just been... _accepted_? Was I now one of them? Feeling a weight on one of my shoulders, I look to see what the cause of that had been, to be greeted to Potter's smiling face. My mouth falls open and I gawk at him, completely lost. His smile widens, but not in a mocking manner. In fact, it was a smile I've never had seen him sport, not in my presence at least.

* * *

**And this is it, for the prologue! The next chapter is going to come someday in the future, but I can't say when exactly, cause I don't know myself. I realised recently that I shouldn't make promises if I can't keep them, because they make me feel immense guilt.**

**So please just review and let me know what you though, mkay? :D**


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